Tales of the Parodyverse

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Visionary
Fri Mar 25, 2005 at 06:53:26 pm EST
Subject
Well, that and staying at a Holiday Inn Express, apparently.
Originally
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In Reply To

Hatman
Fri Mar 25, 2005 at 11:19:47 am EST
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“Okay” Visionary said again, “explain it to me one more time”

Fleabot sighed. “Alright”, he agreed wearily, “when the calendar was started, it was started with a year “one”, NOT a year “zero”. As a result, a decade goes from one to ten, and century from one to one hundred, and a millenium from one to one thousand. Got that?”

Visionary pondered it. “Yeah, I think so...”

“So, therefore, the millenium ENDS in the year 2000, and the new one begins in 2001.”

“But...” Visionary said slowly, “Tom Brokaw said that this was the last year of the millenium too...”

Fleabot ground his tiny robotic teeth. “Forget what Tom Brokaw said!” he snapped.

“But... Dan Rather...”

“Forget him also! AND Peter Jennings! They’re just talking heads! You can’t believe everything you see on television!”

“Even... Dick Clark’s Rocking New Year’s Eve?” Visionary asked hesitantly.

Fleabot glared at him. “Don’t make me slap you, boy.”

Visionary looked troubled. “But... all those zeros...”

“Ugh!” Fleabot spat. “Look, do you remember the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey?”

“I think so” Visionary said. “Was that the one with Sigorney Weaver in her underwear?”

“No... that was Alien”

“Oh... well, did it have Stormtroopers or Klingons?”

“Neither!” Fleabot yelled. “It was a parable about human evolution!”

“Uh...”

Fleabot sighed. “It had the obelisk and all the monkeys...”

“Ah!” Visionary said excitedly. “Why didn’t you say so! I loved Dr. Zaius!”

The micro robot sputtered in inarticulate rage.

“Get your paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” Visionary said happily. “Remember that part?”

“Yeah, sure... whatever” Fleabot said in defeat. “Anyway, why do you think it was called “Two thousand and ONE”?”

“I don’t know” Visionary conceded. “In fact, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t. I think it was called “Planet of the Monkeys”, or something...”

“No it wasn’t!”

“Yeah, now that I think about it, it was...” Visionary said. “I remember, because I first thought I was watching “The Ten Comandments”, but I couldn’t remember any monkeys pissing off Moses in the old testament...”

“Visionary....”

“So then I thought that maybe it was, like, the “Special Edition”, with new scenes added...”

“Visionary!”

“But when I looked it up in the TV Guide, it wasn’t the “Ten Comandments” after all, but “Planet of the Monkeys” starring Charleton Heston...”

"Gah! Enough!!!" the micro-robot screamed from his spot on the dashboard. "Just… just forget it… you win! It's the last Christmas party of the millenium!" He turned around to stare out the windshield in disgust.

Visionary smiled covertly. Long ago he had learned the only way to win an argument with the tiny mechanical genius was to make the argument as stupid as possible. Luckily, he excelled at such things. While he had to admit that debating chronology with an insect wasn't the most entertaining way to spend Christmas Eve, circumstances had left him little other choices. Currently, the two of them were stuck in traffic on the Englehart Bridge in a rented van with a broken radio and a heater that’s working order was dubious at best.

He briefly considered pawing at the fuzzy dice which hung from the rear view mirror, but that would only elicit more jokes about backsliding into ferrethood from his robotic traveling companion. Instead, he stomped his feet to regain circulation and decided to broach conversation with a more practical topic this time. "Do you think we'll make it in time?"

Fleabot snorted. "Well, if this traffic ever breaks up, we're only a few blocks from the orphanage. We drop off the toys, head uptown to the Salvation Army to donate the old coats, then back *through the damn tunnel like I suggested in the first place*, and I figure we could just make the last ferry back to the island in time for dinner."

Visionary rolled his eyes. "What make you think the tunnel would be so much faster anyway?"

"In my experience…" Fleabot drawled, "It rarely snows this much in tunnels."







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